Dear CEO —
I recently joined a new company. it’s small, with about 30 employees and no HR department.
I’m just not sure how to deal with an upsetting problem that just came up….
One of my employees is in (from what I hear) an abusive relationship with a much, much older partner. Whether it’s verbal or physical, I’m not sure, but something is definitely going on.
She has zero confidence and can’t seem to delegate tasks.
and I learned today that she is having several crying breakdowns/panic attacks at work every week.
Help. What do I do?
— George, Dayton, OH
Dear George —
Okay, let’s cut to the chase.
First off, being new doesn’t absolve you from responsibility. It’s your team, and you need to manage it. Starting with gossip.
That’s all this is, until you have solid facts to act on. It’s time for a 1-1 conversation with the employee in question.
Be direct. You’re not there to snoop into her personal life, but if her personal issues affect her performance and workplace morale, it’s your business.
A few years ago, I had a similar situation with an employee, “Bob.” Rumors floated about his struggles at home.
Instead of speculating, I sat him down in my office. Not to probe but to listen. Just as I suggest you do now. And if anyone’s personal life bleeds into work, it becomes your arena. Not to intrude, but to support.
Perhaps you are wondering how to open such a sensitive conversation. Let me help you out with a few Dear CEO tested openings:
The Check-in Approach: “Hey [Employee’s Name], I wanted to check in with you. I’ve noticed that you seem a bit overwhelmed recently. I’m here to support you, not just as your manager but as someone who genuinely cares. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
The Observation Approach: “I’ve noticed that things seem to be tough for you lately. It’s essential for me that our team feels supported both professionally and personally. Please know this is a safe space to share anything that might be affecting your well-being or work.”
The Open-Ended Question Approach: “How have things been going for you lately? I ask because I want to ensure that our team feels good about coming to work each day and that they’re in the best headspace possible.”
The Direct Yet Compassionate Approach: “There have been some murmurs, and I think it’s essential to address them directly rather than letting things linger. I’ve heard you’ve been having a tough time, both here at work and potentially at home. Please know I’m here to support you in any way I can.”
Now, about the abusive relationship — tread lightly. You’re not a counselor or a therapist, but you can be a pillar of support. Make sure the individual knows about available resources: hotlines, counseling services, and so on. If you don’t have this list, get it.
No HR? Then it’s on you to provide the necessary resources. You can’t force them to use these resources, but you can ensure they’re aware.
Performance-wise, you need to set clear expectations. If the employee’s personal life is affecting their work, it’s fair to address that. You hired them for a job, and that job needs to be done. That said, offer support and possibly flexibility, if feasible. Maybe they need a different schedule, some remote work days, or even a brief leave of absence. Evaluate this against the business needs.
Documentation. If you haven’t started already, you’re behind. Note every interaction, every performance review, and every missed target. If things go south, you want a paper trail. Early in my career, I didn’t, and it backfired when a let-go employee challenged the decision. Without a paper trail, I was in hot water. Learn from that. Start documenting now.
Last, remember this: A well-supported employee can become a fiercely loyal one. But, be radically candid with them. They need to know where they stand, what’s expected, and the consequences if those expectations aren’t met.
Being compassionate doesn’t mean skirting around the hard conversations. In fact, it means having them more often.
Remember Bob? After our chat, not only did he seek the help he needed, but he also turned around his performance and went on to become one of our senior team leaders. That’s the power of radical candor mixed with compassion.
Sincerely,
